Rethinking Resilience: Moving Beyond "Tough It Out" Culture
For generations, resilience has been framed as the ability to endure hardship without breaking—a badge of honor worn by those who push through adversity without complaint. It echoes in phrases like "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger," "Buck up, Buttercup," and "Just tough it out."
But as compassionate individuals and mental health professionals, we must ask: does this version of resilience truly serve us, or is it reinforcing harmful patterns that overlook the complexities of human emotion and healing?
The Problem with "Tough It Out" Culture
Society's obsession with grit and perseverance often downplays the reality of mental health challenges. While resilience is undeniably valuable, the pressure to endure suffering without acknowledgment or support can lead to:
Emotional Suppression: People feel compelled to hide their pain, fearing judgment or getting labeled as weak for seeking help.
Burnout and Disconnection: Constantly pushing through can drive people past their limits, leading to emotional exhaustion and disconnection from themselves and others.
Barriers to Support: Defining resilience as sheer endurance rather than adaptability discourages therapy, rest, and seeking help—all essential components of sustainable well-being.
A New Definition of Resilience
True resilience isn't about ignoring pain but responding to it with awareness, adaptability, and support. Real resilience includes:
Acknowledging difficulty creates space for emotional processing and nervous system regulation.
Seeking help and using resources instead of struggling alone.
Reframing challenges as opportunities for growth—without minimizing their impact.
Embracing rest, self-compassion, and community is essential to developing long-term strength.
The Role of Mental Health Professionals and Change Agents
As professionals in mental health, wellness, and the arts, we have both the responsibility and the influence to help redefine resilience for future generations.
Educating on Adaptive Resilience
Resilience is not a fixed trait—it's a dynamic, learnable process. Teaching skills like emotional regulation, self-reflection, boundary-setting, and nervous system care empower people to meet challenges with compassion and sustainability.
Promoting Creative and Expressive Coping
Creative practices like art, music, movement, and storytelling offer powerful outlets for emotional expression. Integrating these into therapy and education supports healing beyond verbal processing and fosters holistic resilience.
Advocating for Systemic Change
We cannot ask individuals to "be more resilient" while societal structures continue to uphold toxic norms. Change must happen at the systems level, including:
Emotional intelligence in school curricula
Mental health-forward workplace policies
Fair wages and healthy workloads in academia and corporate culture
Institutional support for mental well-being in schools and communities
Resilience is not sustainable in a vacuum. Developing resilience is more manageable when people feel supported by systems that value people over performance.
Modeling Healthy Resilience Ourselves
We can't champion balance for others if we don't live it ourselves. As professionals, it's vital to:
Acknowledge our limits
Seek help when needed
Reject the glorification of burnout and overwork
Celebrate rest, boundaries, and the courage to pause
By embodying this approach, we challenge the "hustle" culture and offer a more human, sustainable model of resilience to those we serve.
Resilience should empower—not burden. It should be a journey rooted in self-awareness, connection, and growth—not a silent demand to endure. By reshaping this narrative, we can foster a culture where strength is measured not by stoicism but by the courage to feel, heal, and rise with support.
As leaders in mental wellness and creative expression, we have a profound opportunity to guide this shift. Let's redefine resilience so that it strengthens not only future generations but also ourselves.
by Dr. Amy Vail and Alli Fischenich